Meditation - the pyramid

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Is there awareness? 

where is it? 

how strong is it? 

am I aware that I'm seeing right now? 

was I aware that I was seeing before I asked myself if I'm aware I'm seeing? 

sounds

my feet are touching the floor

my sit bones rest on this chair

I'm breathing

a thought

a movie

I remember again and I am aware

for a moment

think of it like a pyramid  

the bottom is the support

it must be strong first

it is my body

touch, sight, sound, taste and smell  

how strong is the awareness? 

where is it? 

now build a side

thoughts

be aware

catch yourself in thought

then remember

bring awareness to it

it probably disappeared  

thoughts enjoy the darkness

awareness is light

thoughts scamper in the light

then there's the ghost thoughts

remember to be aware

now for the third side

emotions

become aware

be present  

feel it

the pyramid is complete

throughout the day remember  

to become aware

 

Free

/

I used to say, "Free is my favorite price." 

But now I can't think of anything more costly. 

Many things are like this. 

Things that sound good at first listen. 

I get tangled up. 

I don't notice at first. 

But they are there. 

Tying me down. 

I can't see them with my eyes. 

I'm blind with ambition. 

But I've tripped. 

Now I don't move. 

I'm lost. 

In your strings.

Next time I'll pay. 

Gladly. 

Waiting for something

/
I've seen others in that place
But now I feel myself there
It's like I'm high
And I want to go down
It's an anxious waiting feeling
I sense something building
But I don't want to trip
I don't want to dissolve
I want the door that enters into
The place where dreams are made
I know it's not a pretty place
But I want in this room
I want to disappear in this room
I want to hide there
I'm too vulnerable out here
I'm waiting and am holding on
That's part of the thing
You can't go anywhere if you don't let go
I guess I'm a little scared
That I'll vanish

Not by choice

/
I can't sleep
I know this feeling
There's a storm coming
My insides are twisting
I say I want peace
Am I a liar?
I want to win
But the victory is transparent 
What am I?
This dream
It's like I keep waking up
I like sleep
But it scares me
I've seen god
He wasn't there 
The hills are gone
It's a desert
The man is a ghost 
I'm not here
Not usually 
The separation kills me
I'm choking
My neck 
I feel it there
I'm weak with strength
I want you
The beauty of the song
It haunts me
My love terrifies me
My heart is smashed
And glued
I won't leave
Not on my own accord

River

/
I wrote songs
Something new
From the sphere
The warmth
I'm returning 
But there's a strange feeling
In my neck
I'm choking
Just the feeling
I used to feel this as a child
I'm clearing the way
But as I do this comes to me
It's funny now
It doesn't bother me
I used to freeze
To shake
To squirm
But now I'm just present
Without judgement 
I don't want to be bad
I'm attracted to the warm
The circle
In my body
Where am I in my body?
Do you know?
The music is returning
It's also strange
It's a river
That's what I heard
I think I'm there

Probably

/
No one said that building an empire was going to be easy
Everyone wants to bring down the king
Even if no one knows he's the king
The voices in his head are calling for his head
Why do the voices want an outcome that will lead to their demise?
The voices in my head are like republicans who vote against their own interest
Do the voices in my head feel there is a better situation?
Who are they?
Why so many voices?
It's getting loud in here
I can't hear with all the screaming
Die
And they tell me the same
It's war
I want death
They want death
And no one wins
What does a guy have to do to acheive victory around here?
Surrender? 
Probably
What does a guy have to do to get answers around here?
Stop asking questions?
Probably

Glass of chaos

/
I'm so close all the time
It's constantly as if it could go both ways
Dark or light
Stress or free
It's jail or flight
Seems to be running
But more like a dream
I almost escape my head sometimes
I feel high
Then I'm pulled back in
But I remember
I'm building
I guess I'll continue 
I'm trying to enjoy myself
I laugh more
I cried
Or at least I felt close
It's getting better
But it's like I'm on the other side of a glass wall
Beyond the glass is a nightmare
My side of the glass is like a Carwash 
I see the car going through
I'm inside but I'm touching the glass of chaos

You first

/
Waiting waiting waiting for nothing
Expecting expecting expecting
You're not fucking pregnant!
Hoping and dreaming
It fades
You're left behind
Memories are bullshit
They're pretend
They're nothing
Except the death
This brings the memories of regret
Memories are everything 
But they're not for the weak in spirit
Don't be a coward
We have too many
We're all scared already
Be scared
You can't help that
Walk straight into the thought
Walk straight into the worst case
I've been there
It all eventually evaporates
It's not real
Nothing is
Unless you say it is