I'm allergic to reality

I hate reality
Please keep it away from me
It's just that I'm allergic to it
If I swallow it my throat swells up and I can't breath
I have a condition where I could die if given too much reality
There's people out there that want to see me dead
People that want to poison me
With their reality
I need a taster
The king needs a taster
I can't risk someone slipping reality into my food
Just the thought of tasting reality is making me nauseous
I might puke

All I'm saying is this:

If you want to get real, don't even talk to me

Let's rekindle the flame universe

Him - "What are you doing Saturday night?"
Her - "Committing suicide."
Him - "What about Friday night?"

Name that movie

I'm tired.  It's my theme.  For how long will my eye lids weigh me down like this?  Getting close yet so far.  Our lips.

When do I get to make out with the universe again?  It's been so long.  Come on baby let's rekindle the flame.


Blind mention of shadows

There's nothing more to say that hasn't been mentioned
Nothing to bring to the surface, no new message
I'm bringing no heat
No furnace in my person
No fire to bring you
No tools to lend
No signals of improvement
Nothing that says this is good
No female perspective
Life is drawn
It's the artists perspective
Take the town by land
By sea

Memorize the lines
Or don't
Live with the choice
Or live by the hand in the sky

Holding time is wishing on a cloud
How lame is the structure?
How was the time of pension?
How is your son?

You don't know

My movie update

First I tried to be a rock star.  Then I got sober.  Then I got married.  Then I sat on the couch and watched TV.  Then I tried to be a millionaire.  Then I ruined the economy.  Then I tried to replace Conan O'brien.

After that plan failed I wrote a movie script and set out to join the feature film makers club.  Where am I in the process of movie making?

As I said I have a script.  The script is a Bromance, a cheater movie.  30 characters in all but only 6 main characters.  The movie has been cast, except for the heavy metal band.  I've had two read throughs with the actors. 

My first camera man was taking forever to get together with me for the test shots.  He didn't have a car.  His brother was supposed to go to jail for a few months, which would mean he could use his brother's car.  We were really hoping the brother would head off to the slammer but unfortunately for me the camera man's brother's judge was lenient on him and there was no jail time in the sentence.

Then one of my main actors got his 2nd and 3rd drunk driving arrest within a week.  He had to go to jail for a few months.  Isn't life just like that?  The one you need in jail never goes and the one you need out of jail always ends up in the can.

Then there's the matter of my co-star.  I wrote the part for my best friend Ryan.  And wouldn't you know it, he doesn't want to be a movie star.  I asked my surfer friend if he would play the role and he was honored and said yes.  We did a read through and all went well.  Then he came to his senses and felt it was too much of a time commitment.

Then I offered the part to my wife.  It was going to change the movie from a Bromance to a I don't know what.  But my wife and I have chemistry.  My wife wants to be a star but doesn't want to practice and also doesn't particularly like me directing her.  I sensed this.

I thought of my comedian friend from Hollywood and asked him.  He read the script and said he's in.  After two weeks he said I should do a web series.  I said I'm set on making a feature and he said he quits.

Then I hired my wife to play the role again.  Once again she started saying that she doesn't want to get in a fight over her not doing a good enough job.  We started going to therapy so I figured that at least we could discuss it with the therapist and maybe it will be a good thing.

Then an idea came to me to ask my friend Adam to play the role of Ryan.  I asked my other friend David if he felt I should ask Adam to play the role of Ryan.  David said no, Adam's too busy.  I told Adam that David told me not to ask him to play the part of Ryan and Adam said that's not true, I'll do it.  Then I told David to go fuck himself.  (Just kidding, kind of.)  David has a small part in the movie and maybe he just wanted a bigger part.

So now I have the actors.  All I need now is a sound guy,  a camera guy, and a producer.

I had a job driving RV's for a relay race from San Francisco to San Diego for challenged athletes.  On this trip I met an Italian from Venice named Frederico.  Frederico knocked up a girl, who was visiting Italy at the time, and now he's trapped in Orange County with a wife and a baby.  Turns out that Frederico has some experience behind the camera.  He used to take tasteful nude pictures of women until his wife put a stop to that.  After some prying I learned that it's his dream to make a movie.  His favorite actress is Julia Roberts.  That's not exactly what I had in mind but the sound of having an Italian cinematographer trumps everything.

I have a drunk friend who's a musician.  This guy knows audio.  He's living off unemployment so he already has his base income taken care of.  He also lives with his mom, who wants him out of the house.  Working on a movie gives him just that opportunity.

Now all I have to do is practice with the actors, coordinate schedules, get money from my rich friends for a couple sound cards, external hard drives, a steadicam, and some meal money, storyboard the film, and start filming.

That sounds easy enough.  Right?

That's where I am now, I'll try to keep you posted.

Duke

The slip sign means turn

Slipping
I've said this is the time
Slipping
This is the sign post
As soon as a slip appears it's time
Grab on for your life
When the slip first appears you have time
Just grab on to something
Turn around and run the other direction
You know to do this
I didn't say it was easy
Just turn around!
Now
I don't care if you're tired.
Turn
Grab on to something or someone
There's fire at the end of this slope
Not the kind that keeps you warm
The kind that kills you
Turn
The sign has presented itself
Wake up!

Tonight I bombed

I bombed tonight.  It never feels good to bomb.  One thing I've learned is that I'm a crowd has to pay attention type comic.  If everyone is talking in a bar I can't get up there with my low, awkward energy and expect to command to attention of the bar.  I refuse to just start yelling in the mic to try to "amp up the crowd".  That's not my comedy.

I can try to engage with the audience somewhat, but when they are across the room it's difficult.  As a comic you get judged very quickly.  People decide in the first few seconds whether they like you or not.  Tonight they decided to talk.  Fuck.

Solution to a bad gig: get up as soon as possible.  I have my open mic tomorrow.  I'll get up and shake it off.  Each time I get up there my soul turns a little darker.  One day my soul will become completely black and I won't give a fuck about anything.  This will be the day I can be a true comic.

Hangry monster 2

Hangry monster was mad. He kicked the wall. He tried to leave the room but his foot was stuck in the wall. So he got even more mad and he punched the wall. Now his foot and his hand were stuck in the wall. He said, "I want to get out of this room!" and then he tore the wall off and walked into the kitchen.

His mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner. She said, "Hangry monster, are you feeling ok?"

Hangry monster said, "How do you think I'm feeling? I'm mad!"

His mom said, "I cooked your favorite meal, robot soup."

Hangry monster quickly ate the soup and felt much better. Now he could shoot lasers from the robots. He shot the rest of the wall off with lasers, then he was free. He went outside and started shooting more lasers and now he was happy, because he ate something.

The End

The roller coaster

You really don't know which way it's gonna go
The tides up and then it's low
One minute the sky is full of stars
The next your stuck in the midst of the cars
He says yes but later says no
two goods then two bads in a row
With good news you celebrate
then you slip from love to hate
The roller coaster rolls inside
It's you that took this ride
The line was long and you did wait
Don't complain, it's a chosen fate
So when the next good news arrives
Hold on tight the coaster dives
Just the same for when it's bad
Something comes to move the sad
Get off the ride and watch the show
Then remember when next time you go

Keep the search to the sacred

In your words you stand at the helm
but never a glimpse of the sacred realm
this is not something one can speak
you ignore that part regarding the meek
I stand with him during the storm
I need not the world to keep me warm
you hide inside the shell
with claims that all is well
but it's silence that you turn away
as you preach the words of a sunny day
but seeing beyond I look right through
I look inside and where are you?
You've built around all that's right
and lost the love from your sight
it's not easy but not too late
turn the mask to love from hate
just like you I don't know
but searching is the place I go

Truth disarms

I used to worry but now I see
The old is still alive
The young can not be
Yet this is what we strive?
I've seen the place
The story told
The wrinkled face
Of weathered old
The life was there
The will to live
Energetic care
A thought to give
Inside is all fire
Glory to the man
Abandoning the liar
Picking up the plan
To you my sir I walk
I choose your path to trudge
The truth inside your talk
Disarms all that I judge

No disclaimers

Once more I'm too tired for words but fuck it, I write.  Just type numbnuts.  Don't think or debate.  I hate it when people ruin my life because they have to over analyze every little detail.  Why?  Just do it.  Just finish the race.  Analyze after not before.

God, I'm tired.  Falling asleep as I write.

I learned something, just because someon is an asshole the first time you meet them doesn't mean he's a dick.  Circumstances. 

Just no excuses. No disclaimers.

Schmucks and Pricks

This is a paraphrase of Larry David.

Larry David was once poor. For many years he was broke, into his forties. He used to walk around New York city, look at little alcoves, and think to himself that alcove would be a nice place to live when he becomes homeless. He was poor, and when you're poor you're a schmuck. That what he was, a poor schmuck.

Then one day he landed the deal for Seinfeld, the best comedy of all time. Larry David was the genuis behind Seinfeld and that has become crystal clear ever since Curb your enthusiasm has aired. His Seinfeld deal is worth over one and a half billion dollars. All of a sudden Larry David is rich.

Rich people are pricks and poor people are schmucks. Overnight Larry David went from a poor Schmuck to a rich prick. Because rich people are pricks they really can't hang out with Schmucks. Larry went out and got a bunch of prick friends. Every once in a while a Schmuck will give him a call but the truth is; schmucks and pricks can't be friends.

I'm a schmuck but I want so bad to be a prick.

Never shown

Night time torments and underlying freedom spells of death and purgery along with the task of down time.  Leave me to sulk in the madness.  Leave the bargaining table, the deal is off.  What you are arguing for, it's gone.  Talk to your god now.  Keep the peace. You can't.  Solve the issue of guilt.  This you will never do but the voices truck you.  They hide what you can never be shown.  Trip.

Strange change

Sometimes it's seeming never change
Then one day it all gets strange
All the same of what did seem
wakes me to a lucid dream
open eyes the day is hear
the moment leaves of boring fear
beauty takes the former space
and thinks not what it did replace
ups and down still on the ride
just this time it's oceans tide
filling lack and all the time
spent with love and all that's mine

Disintegrating into authenticity

The spark appeared
This started the flame
It's never gone out
I'm still lit
I tried to start a big fire
To turn others on
It happenned for a little but the flame didn't catch
I had to return to the source
Don't let the fire go out
Don't let my fire go out
I abondoned the rest to secure my own
This became important to me
I have to focus on my fire
Now I'm bringing heat
Others are starting to get warm
Let's get lit!

Seeking the true

A seeker of true
changing what's there
who are you?
which way do you stare?
This is what's seen
when you look inside
answers seem mean
if you have lied
true to the seek
this is the way
follow the freak
he's leaving today
one step and you're in
direction is cast
let meaning begin
first slow before fast
more I won't tell
it's path is for you
your soul never sell
just seek what is true