I want more unattainable

I saw a glimpse today
It was beautiful
So much so it hurt a little
But in a good way
Instantly I need more
It made me feel good
Being in the dark for long times has that effect
Just a glimpse can become intoxicating
I want more
I want to take more
I want to make more
I want to give more
I want to live in more
I want to bath in more
My personality is just this way
I surprise people
When will I surprise myself?
I want more than a glimpse
I want the whole unattainable thing

Strange darkness

Strange change
Strange stillness
Strange feel
Sounds swim in my mind
Water flows through the being
The tower is crumbling

Both of the understandings are hidden

Hidden behind words

Hidden behind acts

Hidden behind signs

Hidden within the world

Hiddin both within and without

I used to know and it was good

Then I learned more and no longer knew

Then it became strange

Just go with it

It's just the drug

It's just the unknowable truth

A path for the creation

The distractions become all consuming
I leave one only to have another take over
In an even bigger way!
The creator needs focus.
Clear the clutter.
Create order.
What's the next right thing to do?
Good orderly direction is God.
God is the path of the creator.
Learn to appreciate the creation.
Become a vessel.
A vessel needs to be cleared of all clutter.
Become a vessel.
Become a path for the creation to flow.

The uncatchable

You want to chase what you can't catch
I tell you it's impossible but you still beleive you can
things you can't catch sometimes look do close
you say you have a plan but I don't like this plan
it's going to ruin out stuff, it's going to annoy people
and someone might get hurt
you still have this vision of your plan
you see it clearly
you know you can capture what can't be captured
I explain the scenario
what if you caught the uncatchable?
It's not what it seems
the uncatchable is a dream
it's only true in your mind
if caught the uncatchable screams
life goes haywire when the uncatchable is caged

you can't see this

how am I just like this? In every way.

Sometimes it works

I'm in a dream

Try turning the lights on

Running is never a good thing when you can't see
How many times do I do this?
There's pools of water
Some big some small
Some deep some shallow
Some have jagged edges
I run
The blind don't run
But when I'm blind I run
Sometimes I get lucky
Maybe my intuitions in sync
Mostly I get wet
People die
Usually other people...not me
I see this
I get wet
I'm cold
I don't have dry clothes
Everything suffers

Try turning the lights on

Don't die, try to stay awake

So tired
Trying to stay awake
Just like one of those movies when the guy has to stay awake to live
I thought I was going to die last night
Your entire perspective changes when you're on your death bed
But if you get up from your death bed and walk all bets are off
How much motivation does it take?
Someone said I looked like Jon Lovitz
I obviously have problems but I don't know what to do
I have the kind of problems that no one knows what to do about
Some pretend that they do
I've done that
Sometimes pretending can make you beleive
And believing can make you feel different
It can even be true
But for me it's a lie
I can't come from a lie
I can't run from myself
I can't hide what's true
I ran into a guy I didn't know but I should have
One day I will be that guy if I don't die first

Holding shelf

Head pains
and creep stains
loud nothing comes to me
all that I have to free
eyes grow heavy in the night
falling asleep but still I fight
your not the old self
but I still hold the shelf

We live in the garden

The paradox is my journey
This is what I seek
When I find the paradox I have arrived
My arrival leads to new journeys
This search is why I'm a stoner at heart
A man who can take a trip and see the world as something magical
Stoney is not the talk of the world
Openness is not the attitude of the man who who already knows
The man who is right is the man who has ended his journey
When you end your journey things turn dark
Darkness creeps out in strange ways
The man who knows pays no attention to the signs
I want to experience freedom
I can't stand these bars anymore and the only way I can make them disappear is through the eyes of perception
I traveled into the hills and I found the garden one day but I was too young
I was asked to leave
As I left I saw a beautiful dear with huge antlers
It stared at me
I was frightened
Finally it ran away and I walked by into the land youthful blindness
I'm a journey
I'm going deep this time
It's universe has no bounds
The garden was torn down by the money man and homes were built
We live in the garden
I just need to awake to my curiosity

I choose...

So far down the rabbit hole I don't know which way is up
Fuck
I'm drifting...coasting...meandering...dozing off...I'm up....am I up?...I'm dreaming again
How long until I let go completely.  Is that where this started?  Can you let go too much?
I'm falling.  I think...I really don't know anymore.  I don't know good from bad right now.
All I see is life.  Birth....death....life
What is the cause?
What is the purpose?
There's not one.
Unless I say there is.
And I say there is nothing.
And there is nothing.
Maybe I need to say something?
So much thought with nothing to say.
So much talk with nothing that means anything to me.
It's my choice and I've chosen to make no choice and now Rush is telling me that I have still made a choice.
I choose...

It's good to have a hero

I think it's important to have a hero.  Someone you look up to, who you respect.  I have a problem respecting people, I guess I'm one of those guys that looks at the flaws and let's them take over my perception of people.  The more I get to know someone the better chance I have at finding and exposing their weaknesses.  What kind of fucked up personality trait is that?  I have problems.

I respect successful people who have followed and listened to their heart.  My heroes today are comics.  Louis CK is greatness.  Their is true greatness happening right now and I get to be around to see it.  It's Louis CK.  This is a guy, with many faults, who has turned those faults around and created something uniquely special.  I look to Louis for honesty and work ethic.

I guess it helps if you don't know the hero you respect.  I'm sure if I was hanging out with Louis I would think he was an asshole.  I would probably start wearing blinders and wouldn't be able to see him for his creative spirit anymore.  I'd probably just see some selfish jerk who eats a lot and doesn't return phone calls.  But the good news is I don't know him so I think he's really cool.

I look to Louis CK for personal growth.  He reminds me to look within myself and trust my instincts.  He encourages me to follow my own path.  He's my hero.  I'm an aspiring comic and filmmaker and I want to be like Louis, I want to make a living performing and making movies that I wrote, starred in and directed myself.  Thanks for clearing the path Louis.

What happened to Duke?

Hi guys, it's your old friend Duke Fightmaster here.  You might be wondering, where the hell has my best friend Duke been?  Well the truth is I haven't exactly been winning at life lately, at least not in the recent past or not so recent or ever.  I think it was woodrow wilson who said success is a man who is willing to be optimistic through failure after failure.  I'm getting pretty good at the failure after failure part, now it's time to add in just a little bit of that optimism.  "You're a winner Duke you can do this." Alright I have a positive attitude I guess I'm back on top.

There was a day in my life when I wanted to be a talk show host, I was gonna replace
Conan O'brien.  Turns out it's not as easy to replace Conan O'brien as it sounds.  I'm sad to report that my talk show, along with that dream, have died, they're dead, they've been killed.  A little bit of me has died along with it.  All because of one man, Jimmy Fallon.  I declare Jimmy Fallen my mortal enemy, mark my words I will never forgive you Jimmy, ever.

Almost three years of my life I devoted everything to my talk show, I had a dream, I had a passion, I followed that passion and put that dream into the universe and the universe said to me "No I don't think so, God doesn't really like you, and neither does anyone else, now get out of here and die, alone."  If you're interested in hearing more the popular NPR radio show This American Life,  hosted by Ira glass did a 20 minute feature on my story chronically the whole journey from beginning to end.  This American Life loves to do stories on people who have ridiculous ideas, people who follow these ideas even though all the visible evidence says "this is a bad idea", people who are basically a little off and it just so happens that they felt I was one of those people, so congratulations to me, I am crazy.  You can hear that story at Dukefightmaster.com, I posted the link there, I'm very proud of it.


So what have I been doing for the last year and a half?  Well besides walking the streets looking for change, I've been doing stand up comedy.  I've been putting an act together. 

Am I alive?

There's no direction
there's no order to the madness
I'm aimless
there's glimpses of visions
but they vanish
I'm aimless
ghosts haunt me and stay
they're uninvited
I'm torn
each direction has bushes
there's no way out
I'm torn
I'm driving with no money
to a place that doesn't want me
I'm searching
I have friends that I hate
I want to leave but their there
I'm searching
time is standing still yet racing
this adds to my confusion
am I alive?
pictures enter and go with no retention
the movie has injured me
am I alive?

Blessed curses bless

Hope that you don't get what you pray for
Pray that you like what you get
Don't live like they tell you
Think what you would do and do the opposite
When it comes and you're staring
look at the problem in the eye
there's now more hiding under your pillow
there's only time to wish you could die
living is hard enough without the skin
under it's a world completely gone
revisit this story monthly
and you can be blessed in song
 

stealing comedy for good

I don't have many opinions that I'm conscious of.  I'm mostly a numb out type of guy.  A don't think type of guy.  A check out from this world type... Okay you get it.

Not having opinions is not a good thing for an aspiring comic.  When you are doing comedy you need to look inside yourself and figure out how you feel about things and then share this info.  I think that's part of it but what the fuck do I know.  Anyways I found that I have an opinion and in the comedy world it might even be a little controversial.

The regulars at the comedy store hate people who steal jokes.  So much so that they gang up on them, make videos of them in a terrible light and generally shun them.  Here is my controversial statement "I don't think stealing jokes is that bad."

I need to clarify.  I think some stealing is bad and I think some stealing is very helpful to the growth of a beginning comic.  This is my line; I think you should never be able to steal from someone who is struggling or below you.  I think you should be able to steal from old rich people, successful comics who no longer use the material, and dead people.  Basically I think you should be able to steal from anyone who doesn't get hurt by it and you should steal from anyone who does get hurt from it.

Why do I think you should be able to steal?  Because beginning comics should be able to take from successful people and their favorite comics in order to learn the craft.  Musicians learn by playing cover songs and likewise I think comics should be able to learn by taking from other comics (Only successful one's who don't use the material anymore).  You learn by copying.

I feel the growth of a promising comic can be sped up if he is able to put a longer act together quicker.  This would lead to more stage time and a quicker growth period to becoming the original comic that is inside of them.  Funny material is important but being funny is the most important.  Lending a new comic an old vehicle to enable him to learn to drive on the road of comedy can be a good thing.

This is my opinion, stealing can be good, as long as you are stealing for good.

comin back

Coming back is not easy
To a place I never wanted to leave
I'm going in that direction
It's what I'm trying to acheive
The tools are in my pocket
That's where they've always been
Left, almost forgotten
As I tangle with the sin
Avoidance is the pleasure
And blindness is the key
Dreaming is the art form
And no one's there to see

It's just me

The mile

Too late for sorry
too soon for time
too young to know
it's all your dime
alone is a price
the cost is a cry
hugs feel better
together we try
I known not to leave
but that's what you say
think you should go
but just want to stay
I hold you to me
and show you a smile
I'll take you to her
we walk through the mile

Tool head

The units created for good or for worse
Sometimes a blessing the second and first
Allways a struggle that wasn't a thought
But now it's blaring, a fight to be fought
The beauty's amazing when viewing the view
The old is forgotten when living the new
Leaving's a notion that never does die
But the bars are embedded ending the lie
life is a moment, and living's a choice
the head is a tool but not the one voice

unawesome spaz

crazy energy
time for spaz
nothing breaks
until hearts collapse
wrong way high
I'm up all night
eyes wide stare
shaky headlight
fear driven ride
and a curve of speed
unsettled luck
an unfulfilled need
crashing with love
accidents welcome
flying to trees
life un awesome

Nothing is clear

It's there but I don't hear
Is it a choice or true?
Running from what's near
The paths are few
Keep feeding the whole
Keep living the past
Ignoring the soul
Grabbing won't last
The long is for trade
The short is for blanks
The game is not played
With bullet proof tanks
Hurt from the out
Avoiding the here
Searching about
Nothing is clear

A little is more

Loose bricks and falling peices
Standing still makes me shake
Crazy in the side of time
No more choices to make
It's something you can't fix
At least not in that direction
You're getting burried right now
No one can lend affection
Don't struggle so much with this
Relax and hold your breath
Time always brings a new life
Even in the final death
It's something new
I don't care for outer thought
It's something that makes sense
Plus it's all I've got
I know I'm grinding hard
There's something with the small
A little light is just enough
Much more than nothing at all