Fear

I'm in a deep depression. Was on the couch all day. Ate half of my sons halloween candy. I'm obsessed with Woody Allen films. I hate my life. I'm fucked up on bad thoughts.

I want to snap on my wife and my kids.

I'm nothing.

I'm doing nothing.

I'm creating nothing.

I'm speeding the time along.

I don't matter right now.

I'm having a breakdown.

I don't want to be here.

I'm stuck.

I don't see a way out. The light of hope has gone out.

I'm stuck. I can't move.

I don't have what it takes.

It's what they a call a loser in the game of life.

I'm an idiot. I'm a bigger idiot for putting this on the web. Who cares no one reads this shit.

What the fuck is my problem?

I have this notion that money would solve everything. I have a not so hidden belief that I don't have a problem that money couldn't solve.

I also know somewhat that I would still be miserable. At least that's what the rich fucks that spend their time on the golf course and hosting catered meals with friends tell me.

Fuck you!!!!

To learn that money won't solve your problems is a lesson I would love to learn.

If I had one wish it's to learn the lesson that money can't buy happiness because I don't believe it for a second.

I'm trapped. I'm tied down. I'm forced to put up with what I'm given.

I've tried to brainwash myself into believing that the world stuff doesn't matter, but I can't stuff these emotions. They're coming out.

I'm sick of being something that I'm not.

I'm sick of not knowing what I am.

What the fuck am I?

Can I get a little clarity here. I feel like I've thrown away years of my life.

I'm depressed.

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I have a problem with authority but I yearn for direction. When I get it I say fuck you.

I'm a guy who thinks for himself who won't think for himself.

Am I lazy?

Nothing lasts longer than a few months.

I can't listen to others and I won't think for myself. I'm trapped in this place.

I hate people. present company included.

I love people.

I need a direction.

So pick one.

When I do people hate me. Fuck you people.

When I don't pick one I hate me.

Stupid people follow direction.

I'm stupid but I have some level of genius beneath everything. It's that god damn underground river. I can't tap into it.

I don't want to make any stupid choices. I don't want to hurt anyone, but sometimes when you decide not to hurt people you hurt them more. (You're people pleasing me so much it's pissing me off.)

I'm afraid of standing for something so I'm just lying on the couch.

Fuck you fear.