Trying hurts others

I'm back
I went there again
All signs say to avoid this door
But I opened it
My computer crashed
I was poking at the center of the mainframe
the system was about to blow
then everything went dark

why can't I look?
Why does my harddrive fail?
Why does everyone pretend this door isn't there
I want to open it again
It's all I used to think about
I went to the doctor
I took the prescription and it worked
I've lost the doctors number
he doesn't want me to look
it hurts him
I don't want to hurt the doctor
I like him
but I hurt him when I try to see