Last day in New Mexico

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It's the end of my full last day in Albuquerque. I really like it here. The people are very friendly, they seem to have accepted me for some strange reason. I got hooked up with just regular cool people and I became aquainted with the local comedy scene. The comedians are funny and they are all supportive.

On this trip my actions made someone cry. I'm a narc for my profession. I caught someone doing something and I narced. I don't know if I can narc anymore. I wish I could travel to places without the narc part. I'm not supposed to bust people, I'm supposed to be getting busted.

Anyways, thank you to the spirit of
New Mexico.

Dead rose alive

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I was never last but I was never first
this times different in a way
this time someone has lifted the curse
this is the year of a new day
the dead rose has come back to life
I was awake and I remember that
I remember the day we made the alliance
the week that burned all the fat
we played for crowds of fans
we signed paper plates for girls
our radio interview was unplanned
but we were ruling our own world
how was something so perfect then
so much magic made me take a different look
letting go of the concept of sin
and taking the moment to write a new book
I love our book and the spirit inside
this is the way the ancients felt
our time had stopped there wasn't even pride
It was contagious made fear melt
I've got it again and I write this to you
I see inside your gut to something lost
it's just covered but it's as good as new
let's play again it's worth any cost

Unsolicited advice

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When you're not doing well in life people tend to give you a lot of advice. It's usually advice that you didn't ask for. I think it was Todd Glass who said that comedians really can't give other comics advice because essentially all they are doing is telling the other comic how to be more like them. That's only going to fuck the comic up. The comic is on a journey. The first part of the journey is about making people laugh, a lot. The second part is about finding out who they truly are and becoming that person on stage. Even if they are just playing a character it's a character that came from inside themselves. It's something that's coming from the truth within you.

No one knows what's going on inside you. That's a solo expedition. You're on your own. You can get half way successful by following some bullshit path that your parents forced down your throat but true success comes from within. So why the advice? Because people don't like it when other people are getting away with something. "I followed daddy's rules, why isn't he?"

Maybe with some outward labels that say he's winning at the game of life he feels he can tell you what you're doing wrong. Look inside. And keep looking, this is where the gold is, and fuck all the sell outs. Anyone who ignored the inner universe to make daddy happy is no one to listen too.

There is an exception. The reason why most comics can't write jokes for other comics is because they only know their own voice. But there is a special breed of comic that is so aware he can understand your voice and write for it. The thing is you can't work with this guy until you have taken that journey within and discovered your voice. Judd Appatow is one of those guys. Don't take advice from anyone who doesn't have the character and an example of living that you really want. Other than those guys you are better off looking within, like I said there's gold in there.

Something that could

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Remember when you're alive
try to stay calm
This is the moment you've wanted
it's in your palm
breath in
take a look around
It's so simple
To see what you've found
I have love
From both places
I see God in many faces
A template for life
It can't be seen
It's moments of glory
and the space in between
The nothing
This stuff is good
The nothing is something
It's something that could

Have fun and fail

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Have fun, and fail. This is the advice I give to myself. In order to be a good comic you have to suck. There's no way around it if you want to be original. You have to take risks and fail. It's humiliating. You have to be humiliated. I've heard Jerry Sienfeld said that 10 percent of his jokes work. That means you have to fail 90% of the time. This is life. In order to do anything you have to suck in the begging. It's no fun to be humiliated. It's no fun sucking, at anything. This where the fun comes in. Have fun failing. One more failure gets you that much closer. Enjoy.

Loose hate and move

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When you take off loud then the cheers abound
cause the flight looks a little unreal
but the cheers get lost if you fall to the ground
and that's a punch to the gut that you feel
"Don't try again" is the vibe that you get
because they bet you to take them and win
it's a personal thing no one can admit
so you got get up and go again
straight through the eyes that see nothing above
just a loser who's stuck on the ground
but if you loose all the hate just keep the love
then the place that you want can be found

Something wants to bleed

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Right on the corner
I seem to walk the line
next to the edge
this life that's mine
I'm close to nothing
I don't hold tight
it's my role
it's my personal fight
I've seen the best
slip right away
and I'm this close
to the end of the day
my friends don't look
they bite their tongue
they can't help
there's no song to be sung
it something living
it's living to die
I try to cut it
it doesn't cut but I try
allways with me
I carry the need
to fill the silence
to make something bleed

My best advice is from podcasts

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So it's been about a year that I've been doing stand up. I'm an open mic-er. I go to the open mic regularly because that's what you're supposed to do if you want to be a stand up comic. I feel like I'm getting the rhythm and more importantly the comfort of being on stage. I have a strong sense that this is something I can do. I also love listening to podcasts by comedians. Some of my favorite comedy podcasts are WTF with Marc Maron, Bill Burr's Monday Mornig Podcast, Fitzdog radio, the Joe Rogan experience, Comedy and Everything Else and Dave Hill's podcasting Incident. I can't get enough of these podcasts. With today's technology I have what feels like personal accsess to today's top comics.

I listen for inspiration, valuable inside information and advice. When ever you are learning a new field it's invaluable to spend time with the pros who just talk shop. I really respect everyone involved in all of the previously mentioned shows. I'm the type of person who gets a lot of unsolicited advice. I get it, my life just looks like I need direction. The worst kind of advice to get is from someone you don't respect.

I recently asked Bill Birr for his advice which he answered on his 2-21-11 MM Podcast. I love that guy and I respect the he'll out of him.

Are you that guy?

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I'm finding all the words to say
to wait until another day
I'm learning that it's nothing new
it's just a thing that I seem to do
I'm allways looking for the reason why
I started early on why do we die?
The answer was a loss not found
so I tried to keep my feet on the ground
I allways said if I knew I would stay
focused all throughout the day
and the work would be no problem at all
just a mission from the god who would call
but now I seem to know just where to go
and I'm tired so I say I don't know
but now I can't live here next to the lie
so I ask myself are you that guy?

It's my karma

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It's a hostage situation and I blame my self
I'm the one that got in the car
it might be my fault but there's somebody else
and the anger's running deep and far
it wasn't what you said when we made the deal
now I'm trapped into a world of fire
every time you talk nothing is real
there's a word for that it's called liar
I'm falling again I think it's just the same
as all the other times before
I'm attracted to loosing the game
it's just another lemon feat bore
I went to a girl who read my palm
she said that my karma is pretty bad
but please don't freak just stay calm
I can give you crystals to take away the sad

The lazy productive guy

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How can someone who is so lazy be so productive? This is the question my wife asks herself. At least that's what I imagine. I'm all or nothing. On or off. You might not want to hit the switch, if I turn on all hell brakes loose and if you turn me off you don't know when I might turn on again. I could go dormant for years.

My head is constantly looking for something it can throw me into. The band, the talk show, the screenplay add infinitum.

What's next? I'm not sure because I can't pay rent. I can live pretty close to the bottom, but when I start hitting it the fun ends.

My plan, pay rent, make a film, and get the comedy act together. I'm going to yoga to try and relax.

I'm loosing expectations

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I remember leaving you at the airport
a tear dropped down my cheek
I somehow knew this was the end of the line
the words I felt but couldn't speak
hatred fills my heart as years pass
when I think of times missed and the missing space
nothing fills that space now
but I try with every thing, person, and place
empty is where I keep my rage
I try to put things on top to keep it down
but nothing works for too long
the strength is strong enough to move the ground
I'm too stupid to not believe in god
why do these thoughts enter into my mind?
that's for the rich with no needs to fill
my need is strong yet I don't expect to find

The rich discouragement

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You stand by my side and look like I do
but something is different about the way through
you sleep on a satin pillow and I sleep on dirt
I go to your home and worry about my shirt
I'm lost in the sea grasping to breath
I can't ask for help you don't believe
so politely I drown not causing a fuss
to ask would be rude I take back on the bus
this friend thing's no good with my envious eye
oil and water are easier to make tie
I'm loosing my grip and you're just a mirage
the golden curtain fades with memories of the garage
I feel the gold locked deep in the vault
I forgot the key and make it your fault
I just want to fish so my family can eat
is a pole toO rude at the sole of your feet?